I've been crying all day, off & on Tuesday, hiding behind my computer screen at work, driving to my daughter's appointment, back home & then back to my mom's place to give her, her meds. I received a call on Tuesday morning that my mom has a compression fracture in her back. While at work, I felt that the entire universe was working against me! I have a photo job scheduled in Maui to shoot the 9th season of Cooking Hawaiian Style, I always look forward to shooting that job, it’s more fun than work! My moms doc is out of town & won’t be back until 4/12, the day I was planning to leave for Maui. I realized that I may not be able to shoot this season, which was the straw that broke the camels back, that's when I impulsively wrote that Facebook post.
I’ve been taking care of my mom since my dad past away in 2009, caregiving can be so stressful that it can suck the life out of you! I love my mom dearly, but it can be very hard emotionally & mentally draining. Mom has been in & out of hospitals & rehab 3-4 times in the last 5 months. I've become used to having some down times for 1-2 months at any given time, of peaceful nothingness, no falls, no medical emergencies but it's hard to fully relax knowing that in the back of my mind, I know something bad is coming & being in this state of mind for a year & 3 months has taken a toll on my me mentally & physically, especially with the news of her recent compression fracture to her spine...I'm just so tired! I think everything that's been happening since November 2017 til now with my mom snowballed into my breakdown on Tuesday. I know I’m being selfish & should just suck it up, but it’s so hard...so very hard! I had a long talk with my wife & she’s going to take mom to the docs on 4/12 so I can go to Maui to do my shoot & get a little R&R & just getaway from all this, at least for a little while. This Maui shoot, which I was so looking forward to, was the tip of the iceberg that sent me over. I think about it now, a day after, & since I’m thinking straight & it’s such a peytty excuse to go off, I feel embarrassed!
I am so blessed with so many friends that care so much about me & my art!!! I thought I was done crying but as I read the comments on the Facebook post, the DM messages & text messages, I was touched as I teared up once again! Thank you all for your loving support, again I am truly blessed to have friends such as yourselves!!! As far as my continued shooting, I don’t know?! I don’t want to stop, but we’ll see what happens this weekend if I pickup my camera or not?!
A friend texted me yesterday with some kind words of encouragement, she knows who she is, "I've found my calm" once again! Thank you 😊
My tita Sista in the mainland who was very worried about my state of mind, called me, you are truly My Sister, love you girl, I’ll see you soon!!! 😊
They say laughter is the best medicine, it is so true! My buddies who I shoot with on the weekends helps ease the pain, worry & always there for me for anything, love you guys!!!
Aloha a hui hou my friends!
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